randoms

-sometimes i look at old pics of myself from like the 90’s and laugh at my fashions..and how small i use to wear my shirts man.  I loved to show my tummy off.  One thing i didnt like about being skinny is that new boots didnt fit my skinny calves.

-I think i’m about a second away from cussing 2 people out.  Generally i’m a peaceful love bug but these people have it coming..and i’mma lean into that ass when i do.

-canton residents need to suck it and let the mta build that red line.  they claim parking will be fugged but i think it’s just a case of people having direct access by train to “yuppyville”

-dammit i missed the 2010 census data capture job pool..that was the easiest money i’ve ever made!

-i forget things at my job but it’s not because i dont want to do them…it’s because i have bits and pieces of things to do…like a puzzle…100 pieces thrown on my desk to be pieced together.

-i truly forget about this blog and really feel i dont have anything interesting to say anymore.  Or is it that so many people i know read this I can’t be as free as i use to..maybe i wanna write about one of u…

-lol i do wanna write about a few of you…

-my fb wall was recently disabled but i wrote a scathing email about their notification system..viola i’ms back.

-but now that i am back…i hardly say anything..lol

-i think about deleting my facebook, twitter and myspace accounts and just not letting folks find me.

-i think about leaving baltimore more and more everyday.

-i’m leaving this town.

- i left a bag full of goodies i got from old navy in my home girl’s car…it’s been 2 weeks..i hope she eventually gives it back.  If not i’d like my money for my items.

-i told my flag football team i wasn’t coming back and no one said anything.  true i quit last spring but, it was a different situation.  I quit this go around because it’s getting to be a burden trying to wrangle a ride to and fro to dc.  I wish them much luck cause dammit i’m playing local.

-maybe i’ll just do random thoughts all the time in this here blog.

- i always think it’s weird when people converse with people on line for a decent amount of time but they never meet off line.  Like how weird is it that they never wanna meet?  I always think of serial killer when i hear this.  I also think that people lie when they say they havent met someone when they did.  maybe they didnt like the way they looked.

-this summer is proving to be a hilarious one.

Blogging about life v. actually living it

There are times when I peruse my different friends blogs and smile. I see my blog listed and think, that’s hella cool. Then I think, I’m hella boring now and actually don’t blog as much as I use to.

I won’t begin to tell you the number of drafts I have saved on my WP dashboard but something has prevented me from publishing any of them. Sometimes it’s TMI and other times I feel i talk in circles. They say we are our own worse critics.

Often I’ll experience something and think in the back of my mind, I’m going to write about it..but by the time i get home the idea is gone. And usually I’m stuck sitting at my laptop with zero thought other than what’s for dinner or what’s next. Then that leads me to the internal debate of to capture or not to capture.

In an age where everything can be updated, i guess i feel somewhat pressured.  Pressured in the sense that if i update my blog then i need to update my Facebook and then my Twitter account. I pretty much update FB and Twitter the most but this blog not so much.

I find myself having conversations when it comes to updating my status, tweeting or a mere blog entry. I always think it would be a good idea to update and refresh but then the cool side comes out and says it’s lame…haha so i ended up just having fun.

So i guess i should pose a question. For those of you who blog and do social networking, do you feel it’s a chore to keep up with your various facets? Also do you have the great idea vs. lame debate in your mind as well?

My Ella the bourgie sleeper

I’ve had Ella for about 10 years more or less.  She’s my heart and often a source of comedy.  I have the tendency to mess with her just so she can make funny cat noises because she’s generally a fairly quiet cat.

Ella is a practical cat, I learned the hard way.  I use to buy her little toys and trinkets.  I’d be so excited to come home and play with her.  I’ll never forget i bought a lil ball with a bell it in..i tore open the package and sat on the floor rolling it around.  Where was Ella?  On my bed making this face as if to say: dummy..

What does she play with you may ask?  Small earrings, bread twist ties, the red lining off the top of milk cartons, and plastic bags.  *rolls eyes*  She never consumes any of them..i’m lying, she loves the plastic bags..but she’ll play hours on end with any one of these items.

Being the sensible cat she is she’ll sleep in a few designated spots.  I’d bought her a tricked out cat condo but that didnt last.  I’d even gotten her a cat sleeper lined with the finest of lamb’s wool.  Nope!, she didnt sleep in it, rather she opted for my clothing closet or the sit in window.  As of late she’s been laying on these carpet remnants i picked up at a store specifically for her.  I thought i’d won the battle but i didn’t.

Last night as i was laying in bed I heard a noise.  The noise was familiar but i awoke anyway to see just what she was clawing on.  I looked around the apt trying to get my eyes to adjust and she’s laying on a stack of purses that lives at the foot of my bed.  I focus a lil more.. she’s clawing and making sweet love to my new purse!  I yell, “Ella, wtf!”  She doesn’t move, as if to say you’re sleeping; you won’t get out of bed.  I get up and move a lil closer and she moves.  *rolls eyes*

I painstakingly moved the purse in an effort for it not to become a cat sleeper.  Where does she get this stuff from?

*pics below of purse and the face she made as i was telling her to not to sleep on mommy’s purse*

E is for Effort.

How easy is it for guys to fall in some *cough* trim?

Very easy is my answer.  Simple because it seems as if dudes don’t really try anymore.  Like, “let me try with my least amount of energy and see what i get.”  Ugh!

I’d been on a decent dating high when an instance bought me down off my cloud.

A dude i’d known for some time, had seen me out and we reconnected.  We hung out a few times and really had a good time.  I’d say a few times he’d been to my house to chill out with me and my folks.  The energy was there and everything.  You know how you get those good feelings about good dates and seemingly good people..oh yeah, you’re hopeful.

He’s was the kind of guy that emails and texts a few times a day to see how you are.  Give u a little pet name that induces a smile and you felt a lil giddy…it was happening.

and then…

One day you notice that as you get further along ,the suggestion is to stay in and have drinks or watch a movie.  And then at the end of said hanging out time..there is talk of hanging at a lounge or “something.”  You say ok and…nothing.  Every time thereafter such speak  is thrown to the way side.  The max amount of effort is put into coming to your spot but not so much when it’s time spent outside.

I know you’re wondering…Had we had sex?…nope.  And I know some readers will say that’s why but “shrugs”, who knows.

I asked the usual questions that change as things get further.  Are u married?  Do you live with someone?  Lol…strange but these questions ring true sometimes..had a friend who was dating a dude for 2 months before he told her he lived with his ex.  She was so caught up in how smitten dude was with her, come to find out he was smitten with a place to crash and some @ss.

A while ago I said, “the things you do in the beginning of a new relation is what sets the tone for the future of that dealing.  I’d like to say that this theory may be rubbish.

Dah well.

I know i’ll get a text tomorrow saying good morning..and then about noon i’ll get the what are your plans for the evening text.  To which i’ll respond……

Because at the end of the day…

I’ve always hated that phrase and i cringe when people use it.  But i digress..

Why is it that people want to debate who’s more wrong when there needs to be a resolution? Do they even want a resolution?  Why do they always have to be right? Are you trippin, are they trippin?

When trying to move past something people ( myself included) tend to wretch up the past one mo gin’ to prove a point.  The other day I was listening to 2 people argue/talk(they did ask me to listen..lol).  I listened to both of their points and thought they both had valid observations.  I sat waiting for the point of the conversation/argument/debate…there was none!  It made me think of some of the conversations/arguments/debates i’d gotten into and how I’d handle it and the resolve.  In some instances I was wrong but not all wrong.  I thought of how the other persons arguments were moot and didn’t make me want to work anything out.  Petty, I know but we all have our moments.

Recently when it comes to opposition or just some random tomfoolery in my life, i’ve been taking the path of least resistance.  Simply not doing anything or just letting it go.  In the past I would have gotten stank about it and lashed out…gone.  I’ve realized I’m a part of the problem but, not solely the problem as most would have me believe.  My perception is pretty on point with the reality of each given situation.

Now I know some folks are like, oh you on that zen shiggidy.  And it does sound a whole lot easier saying it than actually putting it into practice.  I promise, the end result in your dealings will come out 100% better.

One such conversation comes to mind.

Him: Hay

Me: Hay

Him: what’s been up stranger?

Me: Oh hay stranger.. Nothing much working and the such..

Him: Oh! don’t put me in that boat.. (ummm..he wasnt trying to reach me..he called like a few times during our whole “going out/hanging out” phase)

Me: yeah, you know hanging with my folks..living.

Him: Oh yeah..last I’d heard from you, you were busy and need to call me back..i guess u never got unbusy (ummm i lol’ed here because dudes always wanna scream about chicks getting pissy but ummm…yeah)

Me: My bad..Top Model Wednesday’s are typically off the hook.  I’m sorry.

Him: Oh.

Me: So what’s been up with you? (I was trying to move past the instance)

Him: You know phones work 2 ways?

Me: oh yeah..i said sorry.. but you could have just called back.

Him: laughs.

Me:  *not saying anything* (because really I didn’t wanna get into a debate about who calls more when we both dont!  I’m not calling because i don’t think you’re that interested…i’m not a rebound or time passerby’er and besides no level of consistency is not going to change a man’s mind if he has it made up.)

Me: Lemme go grab some lunch. You be good.

Him: Yeah.

I laughed at this whole conversation in hindsight because it was pointless..what was going to be the resolve?  i said i was sorry what more could i do?  I mean I could’ve called him immediately but that would have been Douchey(short for: douchebag)

Moving forward practicing this road of least resistance will be tiring but i’ll do it because it just feels alot better.

True Life: I was a Love Jones extra

The other day I cringed when someone mentioned going to a poetry reading.  I took a pause and reflected on the scoffing I’d just let loose.  I then thought to myself…self, when did our love for poetry die.  It was then that I had a montage type flash back about my rise and fall as a boho/love jones extra.

Initially I’d gotten into poetry back in 96/97.  I use to do a few events on campus where i’d recite some of my poems.  I was also an English major so it was only natural that it was my segue way into the bohemian life style.

I’d cut all my hair off back in 95 because it was so damaged, I wasnt taking care of it. I’d always go to local hip hop nights and poetry venues before I cut my hair but it wasn’t until immediately after I cut my hair that the natural dudes and back pack rappers took to me. Owwwww. lol.  I thought this short hair thing isn’t so bad..more dudes liked it more than i thought.

Many Saturday’s I’d go to Larry Stewart’s with my girls to hear poetry and we’d have a ball.  Genuinely enjoying wine and people’s words.  We’d go to other spots in Baltimore and eventually my love for poetry grew.  Like i really enjoyed it.

Around that time I grew my locs and felt that no other style of dress was no more deserving than hippie chic…thus my boho era began.  I mean i did it all.  Crochet, tie dye, and plenty are denim.  I also did platforms with everything.  I’d frequent the Organic Soul  Tuesdays and 5 season on Wednesdays.  I think I was on my way to OD’ing..

I noticed that I’d try to get to 5 seasons later and later just to partake in the after party from poetry.  A few times when poetry was still on at 1230am i’d sit begrudgingly with friends as we loudly laughed over top of the poets who were on.  douchey, i know.

When 5 seasons changed locations that was the end of my love affair with poetry.  It went from being inspiring to a vent sessions for baby mama’s who were done wrong , baby daddy’s coping pleas and Lothario poets doing punanay poems.

I left and haven’t been back since.  Now when i hear poetry reading I think of patchouli poisoning.

Bits and Pieces

Hay hay hay!

Not much has popped off since I wrote about my condom fiasco.  Besides condoms are covered by my HSA..woot!

Let’s see…

*this is less than half of my team but you get the idea.

Flag Football has begun and what follows is a small rant.  The athletic program if you will has divide the league into 3 sections.  Most of the teams we played last season are in league 3, we’re in league 1.  Perusing the schedule I’ve only recognized 2 other teams.  The means 5 teams are new.  Now I have nothing against new teams but I do have beef with being in the easiest of all the leagues when we are clearly vets.  *smh*  Also I hate the fact that the 2 directors keep spelling our damn name wrong.  It’s Swagger not Swaggers..  Also another gripe is during the game the other team was definitely cheating.  There is to be no pulling of clothing but they were pulling clothing and hugging hips.  You know the refs were blind…and i feel it wasn’t until i spazzed the fudge out that they called penalties eventually.  The game ended in a tie which is my finally gripe..I believe in case of a tie first team to score is the winner..but nooooooooooooooooooooooooo..a tie. eh. well.

Other than bitchin about Flag football life has been a snoozer.  There’s been some beautiful sunny days and some drab rainy ones. But in all i’m blessed.

XOXO,

Bew!

Buying condoms on a sunday.

No it’s not the name of a play or a song.  It’s real life and could only happen to me.

I had just gotten back from hanging with the fam, when i got a call.  Excited, I checked my condom stash and found out I didn’t have any.  I figured why not go to the 7-11 down the street.  Get to the 7-11 no one in line.  Great!  So i proceed to the counter and the skit unfolds like this:

Me: Box of Magnums please.

Him: Lemme see ID.

Me: What?  I need ID to buy condoms? *raises voice slightly*

Him: Oh..I thought you were talking about blunts*pauses*..Oh yeah! u need these!

Me: *cringes* looks around..*smiles*

Him: I’m sorry your card was declined.

Me: You sure?

Him: Yes.

Me: Hmmm

Just then 2 white chicas walk up behind me.

2YTchix: Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…We know what you gonna be doing!  I hear dat!

Me: O_o *pause* *laughs*

2YTchix: Go head girl handle eeetttt..

Cashier: *loudly* YOU LIVE IN NEIGHBORHOOD, I’LL HOLD LARGE MAGNUMS FOR YOU TILL YOU COME BACK!

Me: Thanks

Now I go home..and noticed I picked up the wrong ATM card.  I’d gotten a new one and forgot to shred the old one.  Come to find out i misplaced my new ATM card.  So i find another card..go back..convo goes.

Cashier: Oh, you are back for large condoms?

Me: Yes.

C: swipe card.

Me: *swipes*

C: Sorry card declined..

Now at this point this new card has no business being declined.  I go to the ATM, get money out..

C: You’re back! *chuckles*

M: Can i have my condoms please?

C: Ok..Gotta be safe!

Me: Yes.

*walks outta store*

Now one would say this was a sign not to knock boots but fudge that..all the crap i went through for those condoms, geez.

It was all worth it.

LOL!

For Drew.

I remember when i first met Drew.  He was one of those people you don’t forget…ever.  Funny, intelligent, handsome, and full of life.  He’d invited me to a cookout and i came thru.  Who would have known 1 invitation would turn into several years of true friendship.

I’ll never forget the day he told me he was sick.  My heart broke because you kinda think all your best mates are invincible but, they aren’t.  He’d told me how he’d been sick for a moment and how sometimes it’s a struggle.  I tried not to cry but i did as I am now.  It pains me that such a wonderful person could have an illness such as MS.

Last year he’d asked me to participate in the walk but i couldn’t I had other obligations but this year i’m all the way on board and this is where you come in.  I know times are hard but I ask that you please assist me in raising money.

Please visit my MSWalk site and check me and my team out.

Oh the joys of dating.

We all go thru our trials and tribulations when dating, some more than others.  Some dates you wanna remember, some you wanna forget.  I’m all for forgetting those that sucked turds.

As of late i’ve been on a series of successful dates.  But first let me back up and say folks get confused when the word dating comes up. In the hood or around the way..they say hooked up/talking to/kicked it – meaning had sex.  More often than not when someone says they kicked it or talked to someone there was no dating involved.

So what is dating?

Date- [deyt] Show IPA noun, verb, dat⋅ed, dat⋅ing.

a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.

So having established that as our definition we’ve all had dates.

One thing that I’ve noticed about my dates is that I’ve been meeting more gentlemanly doods… and I have been soaking it up.  Calls and texts to see how I am.  No avoidance, light easy conversation, and most importantly consistency.  I can’t say where it is going but i find that because dood/doods are more open communication wise it kinda takes out that question phase of new things.  I have no problems flowing if we are indeed flowing.

And most importantly,  pace.  The pace is not super slow and it’s not super fast.  Dare I say things are mutual…that always makes things that much more better.

While we’re on the topic of dating…In the midst of somethings  flourishing others are falling by the way side.  As with anything you give effort to your effort diminishes when you feel thing aren’t equal..or as close to it as possible.   Having said that i’ve totally turned my attention away from some.  It’s true when folks say they want something they cant have…and that’s sad that it takes someone ignoring a grown dude for them to make and effort..lol.. grow up.